Being an Atheist in a Brown Household

Children raised in a brown household regardless of the country of residence often have stories of oppression, toxic attitudes and just a lack of acceptance. While certain households have strict curfews others may interfere in an individuals life choices. At the end of the day brown households have their own unique parenting techniques which may or may not always be healthy. While it is fair to assume life after reaching 18 maybe different and your parents will give you your space and freedom it may not be the case for all households. I recall a personal incident wherein, I casually told my dad I'm gonna turn 18 soon and he replied with "So? Doesn't make a difference". While I initially didn't pay much heed to it, I soon realized he wasn't kidding (lol). Before I completely throw my parents the bus, I have been very privileged and raised with several amenities; the only thing lacking would be a sense of individuality. Despite moving to Canada in hopes of providing their children with a better life, my parents are still very traditional and conservative in several things. I am thankful to the for preserving the Indian culture, Tamil language and other aspects of being Indian when raising me. But, as I grew up I chose to question and dissociate from several faucets of being Indian; the main being religion. I was raised in a typical hindu household. You know no meat on friday and saturday, bharatnatyam classes, weekly temple visits and vibhooti before school. As a teenager, after dealing with my fair share of trauma and problems some of which I chose not to share with my parents I began questioning my relationship with god and religion. I didn't really have a way to explore my identity at home and hence didn't make many changes. I just avoided going to the temple at times, didn't want to participate in household prayers and shied away from religious practices. As my university was relatively far away from home I spent 3 years at Guelph for my undergrad (dobby is free!). With a plethora of happy and sad memories from being away from home I moved back with my parents as I wasn't able to find a sustainable job after graduating. Moving back home came with struggles of its own a major one was telling my parents I am now atheist. They were not ok with the term and didn't see the need for me to change my standpoint on religion. I explained it was a personal choice that had nothing to do with university or my friends there. They were worried whether this was a step of me converting to another faith. I explained being atheist is stepping away from all faiths and not associating with any specific religion. I knew it wouldn't be an easy conversation to have but what caught me off guard was when they claimed that "religion was not something I can have a personal opinion on". I was born a Hindu, my parents were Hindu hence I had to be Hindu. I told them I am ok explaining what atheist means, I can discuss where I want to draw boundaries and how I want to interact with their practices only if they are open to understanding that I am indeed allowed to have a personal choice about whether I want to be religious or not. It has been an ongoing conversation back and forth with several heated comments exchanged. However, I have stood my ground and limited arguments. I have still not been able to convince them that being atheist is a choice I made and have the right to make. I hope going forward we are able to be each others peace and support. Till then let's scribble the thoughts.